Have I ever told you how I met God?
I was just four or five years old. I had a decent sense of the universe thanks to a childrens record my parents had gotten for us. I remember there was a picture on the album jacket of the planets around the sun. The recording explained the planets in orbit, the sun, our galaxy and the universe in terms a child could understand. I knew that I was but an infinitesimal part of matter in this reality.
I also had a sense of God and His Love from my Mom, from our church and from my childrens prayer book "Pearls of Prayer." Though I couldn't read yet, the illustrations provided me the ample confirmation that my Mom wasn't just making this stuff up!
So, one fine day I was lying on the ground in our yard watching an ant make its long, long way through the grass. I marvelled at how huge a challenge it must be to walk through this jungle of green. I watched as it journeyed many steps in what would take me only one or two to accomplish. Then I thought of my place in this vast scheme. After a bit, I rolled over on my back, feeling the ground under me, seeing the trees, sky and clouds above me, just thinking how tiny the ant was compared to me, and how much tinier I was than the universe. I started to think, "Why? Why the grass? Why the ant? Why the clouds and the sky and the trees and the planets? Why me? Why?..." Then, as clear as if I could hear the thought aloud - another voice, silent and gentle came into my head and my heart, with complete sincerity and assurance of a true answer saying, "Because I love you." And I felt the Presence of God for the first time. All knowing and all love. And I have been His from that moment.
Where does one go from there? I would have been happy to live in a treehouse in the woods by myself (with God, of course) the rest of my days. Alas, I was not allowed out after dark. Then, there are customs and I'm sure laws discouraging four year old mystics in Maryland going it alone. And so, I carried on, breathing in and out, getting up each day, learning, moving (we moved a lot), loving, laughing, crying, living among the rest of Gods world. Always looking to share this assurance of Gods love for each of us and all of creation. By being nice, caring, comforting, laughing and crying when life calls for it; sharing every good thing.
I've gathered so many experiences, so many loves along the way. There have been friendships, always to be treasured, some more than just friendships, and a betrayal or two. God wants us to struggle, just so we are sure that this love of His is real and will see us through. A good friend once told me that struggle is a sign of an authentic life. My life has been that!
What have I learned? All we have is now, the only place we have is here. I have tried to love freely as best I can, not to have expectations. Still, I find myself always longing for more. More love? Commitment? I'm not completely sure. Whatever the question, the answer is love. After having spent now more than half an average lifespan as my special bit of matter in the universe, I believe that voice and presence more than ever. I embrace life, the whimsy and the woe, ever grateful for every good thing as a precious gift to be accepted, then shared, wishing that we each can know this truth of God. As an old French love poem goes, "Je vis et je l'espère." I live and I hope.
"Because I love you..."
